Personal Safety – ZombieLand Style

Personal Safety – ZombieLand Style

Personal Safety

Have y’all seen the movie “Zombieland” ? It isn’t a requirement but it is the amusing source of this weeks tips. A friend sent this list to me a while ago and I thought I could use it as a good Pop Culture training tool. So, here it goes.
The list:
1. Cardio
2. Double Tap
3. Beware of Bathrooms
4. Buckle Up
5. Travel Light
6. Don’t be a Hero
7. Limber Up
8. When in Doubt, Always Know Your Way Out
9. The Buddy System
10. Check the Back Seat
11. Enjoy the Little Things

1. Cardio
To escape a pursuing zombie you will need to out-run it, and this means being in good shape.
– This makes sense for every aspect of your life. Get healthy, get fit, live longer. Be it a preparedness situation or a defensive situation, being in better physical condition will improve your odds of survival.

2. Double Tap
When in doubt, don’t get stingy with your bullets.
Most zombies won’t die from just one hit unless it’s a shot to the head, and it will instead get up in very little time, and will then bite you. The most effective way to prevent this is to take a second shot/hit to their head which will stop them from attacking again, and surely one more shot can’t do too much harm! For this to work, you will need at least two shots in your gun at all times so you can double tap without having to worry about reloading in time (you usually won’t get that time). Luckily, the second shot should be easier as the first shot should take the zombie to the floor and temporarily prevent the zombie from moving
– You don’t have to carry a firearm. As a matter of fact, a lot of people who do become complacent about other forms of self defense. It is a tool not a fix all solution. Tools fail, get dropped, sometimes they just get left at home. Don’t rely on just ONE tool. Remember, one is none, two is one. Now, the “Double Tap”. If you plan on using a firearm for self defense, YOU NEED TO PRACTICE! You won’t be able to pull off an effective double tap (and hit the target both times) unless you practice. Head shots are great for Zombies but in the heat of battle start with a bigger target. All those little things that make you miss the mark in practice are amplified under stress. You want a great example? Next time you go to the range, jog a couple hundred yards and then try to hit your target (please follow all range safety rules). You’d be amazed at what a change in breathing and pulse rate do to your accuracy. You wanna be the next zombieslayer… Practice, practice, practice.

3. Beware of Bathrooms
You are at your most vulnerable while sitting on the toilet, so always take extra care.
Zombies seem to sneak up on people who are at their most vulnerable, although it probably just seems like this as zombies just attack with no special circumstances. However, this does not change the fact that toilets are places you want to be careful around – if you are caught with your trousers down then there’s not much you can do about running away, so you better have brought a gun with you. The best way to stay safe is to check each bathroom before you enter, in every cubicle and every section as it isn’t rare to find one just waiting there. Also remember that just because it’s not socially acceptable to climb under cubical doors, it doesn’t mean the zombies won’t do it.
– This is not just about bathrooms. Any small, confined, private area can be dangerous. We will use the bathroom as our example. You’re distracted. You’re at a physical disadvantage. You’re in tight quarters and surrounded by hard surfaces. This is not a fun place to fight if you don’t get the upper hand quickly. Check each stall before you go about your business. Just a quick peek. You want an idea of the number of people in the room with you. Find your seat… Now, leave your smartphone in your purse or pocket. First, it’s filthy in there and you don’t want to transfer germs to something you put against your face. That’s why we wash our hands. Second, it’s a huge distraction. Just get in, get your business done, and get out. Pay attention to the foot traffic coming and going. Keep a count of the people in there. Listen closely and you can even tell WHERE they are. If someone is just standing around in there, you’ll know. It is probably just a gal touching up her makeup or some dude plucking his nose hairs, but wouldn’t it be nice to know you’re not alone BEFORE you open the door? Straighten your clothes out before you open the door. Staring down and buckling your belt as you walk out is a huge distraction. Another tip… As you hear someone approaching your stall, just extend a leg to prevent the door from opening. It may keep an attacker at bay and give you some time to formulate your next step, or it may just prevent the embarrassing “hey, it’s occupied” moment.

4. Buckle Up

You won’t be driving along easy roads anymore: with numerous things to avoid you need to be ready for a crash!
The reason for seatbelts is fairly obvious as it pretty much carries over from the reason we are advised to wear them normally – being thrown at the windscreen doesn’t usually end well. In Zombieland, however, you’re much more likely to be flying through the windscreen as you try avoding escaping vehicles, dodging through abandoned cars or slamming on your brakes (or just driving faster) as a zombie steps in front of your car. For this reason, it’s usually a good idea to stick on a seatbelt so you don’t make the embarrassing mistake of dying from a cause other than zombie. However, some people argue that wearing a seatbelt is an inconvenience as it slows you down valuable seconds while trying to get out of the car which is being fast approached by zombies. It’s also argued that crashing is a fairly ridiculous thing to worry about when the majority of people are trying to eat you. These doubts aside, it is usually safest to wear belts.
– This one may seem like common sense but there are still many people who do t wear their seatbelts. There are criminals out there who have made a career out of “accidentally” rear ending people. When you stop to survey the damage and exchange insurance info… WHAM! You get robbed. A seatbelt will keep you in place should your airbag deploy. If you haven’t had the joy of being punched in the face, at 300 miles per hour, you’re missing all the fun. If you do get rear ended in a secluded location, drive to someplace well populated and well lit. A seatbelt will also ensure that the you sustain as little damage as possible from the airbag. Secondly it will help keep you from being dragged out of the car in a car jacking. If you have kids in the car, the last place you want to be is on the curb watching some thug drive off with your family.

5. Travel Light

While trying to get away from a mass of zombies, the last thing you want is to be heaving luggage around.
Zombies can surprise you at any moment by coming from behind objects or running toward you when you aren’t expecting it, and you’ll need to make a fast get away. As well as cardio to out-run the zombie you’ll also need to be light on your feet, and that means reducing the weight of the objects you are carrying with you. So instead of a big heavy suitcase that may be able to carry all of your personal possessions and luxuries, you’d be safer with a smaller amount of luggage such as a backpack or anything that is easy to carry and won’t slow you down. Under some circumstances it might be best to carry nothing but weaponry, but if you are seeking shelter and there is a lower chance of being attacked by zombies then it’s always best to bring a bag with medical supplies, spare magazines and perhaps maybe a lightweight luxury. It is implied that unless baggage is absolutely vital to short term survival, it should always be considered expendible, able to be dropped at a moments notice to flee to safety.
– Travel light…great advice. As you go from work to your car, or from the mall to your car, or even from your car to the from door, try to keep 1 hand free. You’ll need it to unlock the door anyway. Yes, I know, taking two trips is for sissies. I do it too. I can carry all of the groceries in one trip. It’s dumb. You’ll have to set something down to get inside. Would you get in a fight if you were handcuffed? Hat to be effective that way. If you carry a firearm for protection, what good does it do you if you can’t grab it? Same goes for pepper spray, a knife, or even your fists. Stop handicapping yourself. Travel light, keep one hand free, take two trips…

6. Don’t Be A Hero
Possibly the most important rule of all. Don’t risk your own life just to make yourself look good.
When taking risks in Zombieland, the risk is pretty much always that you might get eaten alive by zombies. This isn’t a risk you want to be taking so rather than trying to go for the “bad boy look”, simply take a step back and keep yourself safe. Unfortunately you won’t make yourself look too impressive if a zombie is currently biting into your arm. However, remember that there are certain circumstances where perhaps this rule should be ignored, so that maybe you save someone who makes staying alive worth it, or making sure that you will still have a partner to back you up later – as they might be responsible for saving your life later. Always follow this rule… except when you shouldn’t.
– You aren’t a superhero. Sorry to burst your bubble. Get over it. You need training, practice, and then MORE practice. Whether it is firearms training, self defense, or just a class on the proper use of pepper spray. Your safety should be something you pursue regularly. Not once a year, really not once a month. You should do something at least weekly to physically improve your safety. You should be working DAILY on mental training. You should always be thinking about how to keep yourself out of trouble while considering what it would take to get out of trouble should it arise. Superheroes have super powers. We don’t. All we have is training and practice. Don’t be a hero… Be trained.

7. Limber Up
Before going into a zombie-infested area, you will need to prepare for the impending running by limbering up.
When approaching an area which will definitely or is likely to have zombies, it is always best to limber up using a few moves so that you are in peak physical condition when moving in. This means that if a zombie or numerous zombies do appear and begin to chase you, then you are able to out-run them without worries about pulling muscles or injuring yourself while running – something that could mean life or death. Of course, if you are suddenly ambushed by zombies while unprepared then limbering up will obviously be a rather unwise move, as getting away from or killing the zombies is your main priority.
– Flexibility and physical fitness cannot be stressed enough. It will make everything physical in life easier to do. Should you have to fight for your life, the last thing you want to do is lose because you were out of shape. Most of us will never be on the cover of a fitness magazine. We can, however, be in the best physical shape that we can. Promise yourself that you will begin working on it!

8. When In Doubt, Always Know Your Way Out
You will always need to know the way out of every room of every building you enter, in case you are caught unaware.
Zombies can surprise you at any time, whether it be while you are sleeping, driving, relaxing, eating, playing, peeing, kissing, or on the toilet. For this reason, you should always know the fastest and best way out of the room/building you are in, just in case you are victim to a surprise attack. Make a mental note of any other doors you can take which have the quickest route away from your current location. It may also be best to prop the door open so you do not have to spend precious time trying to unlock/open the door. But don’t just know this exit way, also know how you can get to it – there’s no use knowing about an emergency exit if you have no idea how to get to it. This rule is all about knowing your surroundings and preparing yourself for the worst.
– with the rash of restaurant, workplace, and public shootings, we must all take stock of our surroundings. When you go into a restaurant, do you look for the alternative exits? Do you choose the seat with the best view of the entrance? You should! Knowing when trouble walks in the door can save you precious moments. Knowing the closest or easiest exits will get you to safety ahead of the crowd. While the masses are in a panic, you can be slipping out the back.

9. The Buddy System
You can’t always look in front of you and behind you at the same time
Even though the common zombie is slow they can still surround you and trap you in a corner, so with the help of a buddy you have a better chance of clearing and keeping an area safe. There is also another great reason to follow this rule which would be in case you get an injury the assistance of another person can be perfect for this situation. If you don’t want to be with people, It’s easier using a handgun to your head.
– If you have to go someplace that might be questionable… Take a friend. Approximately 75% of attacks happen to individual victims. Can you imagine? Eliminating 3/4 of your problems just by not “going it alone”? That’s a heck of an advantage right out of the gate. Do yourself a favor. Next time you have to travel through ShadyVille…pack a lunch and bring a fan.

10. Check The Back Seat

Before getting into the car and driving off, check the back seat for any hiding zombies.
The temptation is to get into the safe haven of a car and drive off feeling like you are invisible to all zombies within your mobile steel cage. However, despite the car being relatively safe from outside zombies, you need to be prepared for any zombies that might leap up from behind you and start to attack. The last thing you need while driving is to have a zombie crawling up behind you trying to bite you, because even if the zombie doesn’t bite you – it may manage to stop you from keeping the car going and then next thing you know, you’ll have crashed the car or stopped it for all the other zombies to get to. There is also the possibility that the zombie reanimated in his seatbelt. If this is the case then kill it quickly without getting to close. Of course if you’re in a rush to jump in the car then you may not have time to check the back, but make sure you’re expecting something and as soon as you get the chance, look in the back.
– This one sounds like common sense. That is until you stop and think about whether or not you can remember the last time you actually did! This trick has been employed by bad guys for nearly as long as there have been cars. How many movies have you seen where the bad guy just hides in your car and waits for you to hop on in and join him? Just a quick peek could save you a lot. If its dark… Well, I already told you to carry a flashlight!

11. Enjoy The Little Things

As well as surviving all the zombies, you’ll also need to maintain a happy and sane state of mind by keeping positive.
With the constant stress of staying alive with little time to put down your gun and rest, it’s important that whenever you do get the time, you spend it on entertaining yourself. Of course, in Zombieland it’s not easy to entertain yourself in any extravagant way such as playing on games, playing sports or watching TV. So instead it’s best to enjoy the little things that come your way whether that be having fun with another survivor, enjoying a luxury you come across, lying back and forgetting about all the problems in the world or even just destroying a whole bunch of little things. Without enjoying the little things, it’s all too easy for you to lose sanity and peace of mind from the constant stress and pains of staying alive.
– You need to actively practice personal security. No one else is going to do it for you. Every day, every trip, every stop… Try to remember at least one thing to improve your safety. It takes a lot of practice. Staying alert is hard to do until it becomes second nature. That weird feeling you get when something isn’t right, that isn’t coincidence, it instinct. Humans are Apex Predators. You need to learn to ignore the distractions around you and pay attention to the signs of danger. Don’t torture yourself with it though. Make it fun. See how much you can remember to do. Try to identify dangerous areas. Identify people who could be a threat. Use mirrors and windows to check behind you. Remember, your safety is vital but you still have to live. Don’t let it sap the joy out of you. MamaTactics appreciates the steps I take to make our family safer. She does it too. I lock the front door behind me when I leave… It’s a sign of love. I want to remember that little thing that helps keep my family safe in my absence. It isn’t hard to remember. It’s a labor of love. IMG_2609.PNG

2 Comments

  1. I really enjoy articles like this, serious yet with a touch of humor. Thanks for all the great information

    Reply
    • We try really hard not to be the “Doom and gloom” site. There’s enough depressing stuff going on in the world. Let’s not bog down the learning process with more of it.

      Reply

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